Ever since I was a wee kid I watched Tracy Beaker – a program I’m sure every Brit my age knows. And when I’m home sick I watch that or the newer version ‘dumping ground’.
I’m sure anyone reading this is slightly confused by this. Most people look at pictures and visit home and well for me the latter isn’t very possible – people don’t usually visit once they’ve left. It doesn’t mean you don’t miss it though, even if no one else would admit it.
One of the homes I was in probably wasn’t the best place, in fact the dumping ground would have been an improvement, and I was a right little alcoholic mess, but I felt safe for the first time in forever and I really miss the place and still occasionally get home sick. So I look at pics but I watch this too – it’s not exactly the same but it reminds me of the good bits. They all get on better than we ever would, I mean it was rare for us all to be together! and there’s probably less drama, but it’s not all too dissimilar and reminds me of my friends and some of the stupid crap we used to get up to and the fact they were like family. Even if it was second best and we’d all have a home in a second.
I remember my last night so well! I was so excited to have a foster home, but I was sad to be leaving still. We messed around, ate so much chocolate, I sat on the wall playing a ukelale being told to shut up by staff as ‘this wasn’t a youth club’! Haha. And crying on care worker when I realised I would be gone by tomorrow and someone else would be in my room. I’m still lucky to have my best friend from there and will always love her like a sister and care no matter what.
I wish I could go home and feel really home sick sometimes, but it’s all changed anyway now. So this is what I’ve got! Hopefully one day when I have my own proper home I won’t be homesick anymore. That’s the dream – a home all of my own ❤